At this time of year, life is
sliced into micron-thin segments, and on each of them is printed a
top 10 list. For example, in next weeks issue, Travel Weekly will
review the top 10 travel industry stories of 2005. You can be sure
top 10 lists are appearing in business publications serving every
The one thing all
these lists have in common is that they trigger a sense of
nostalgia for the immediate past. But I believe Ive come up with an
annual list that will trigger no recollections and spur no
reflection on recent events.
Below is my list of
the top 10 stories that did not appear in the pages of Travel
Weekly. They may not have appeared anywhere. But at some point in
2005, a communications specialist at a public relations firm sat,
with serious intent, at his or her keyboard to write the following
press releases. As I clear out my inbox for the last time in 2005,
I dedicate this column to them.
10. Ariana Afghan new client of Aviarep.
This falls into a category of news that may be of interest to
someone, somewhere, but not likely to the readers of Travel Weekly.
The release reveals that the national airline of Afghanistan has
selected a new general sales agent for, among other countries, the
Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, Belgium and the Czech
Smuckers® Uncrustables®. First of all, Im disinclined to write
about anything if it means I have to look up how to produce the
registered trademark symbol. And second, Id never promote a line of
thaw-and-serve, crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I
believe our sophisticated readership likes the crust.
Randy Daniels for governor of N.Y. Arnie, thank you again for all
your support over the years, this begins. The writer is misguided
not only in assuming that I would support Daniels editorially, but
that he had thanked me once before.
World Beard and Moustache Championships coming to Anchorage in
2009. The press release details how Liechtenstein, a competitor to
host the championship, was so awed by the Anchorage presentation
that it withdrew. Im not rejecting it out of hand, but theres a
timing issue here. Try me again in 2008.
Train lovers show love with llama. I first thought it was spam from
a bestiality porn site, but its actually a voluntourism effort by
Heifer International to get travelers who are riding the rails to
Machu Picchu to donate llamas to needy Peruvian families. Upon
reflection, this does not belong on the list, but I cant take it
off because I need 10 items.
Regions largest dreidl in Doylestown! All invited to dedication!
But is it commissionable?
Dental tourism Turkey for Arnie Weisman. This confused me on
several levels. First, it arrived on Nov. 22, two days before
Thanksgiving. Second, it was personalized, sort of. Third, this was
the opening sentence: First of all good days from Turkey, we as
Im-ca Travel Agency was being in London WTM 2005, after turn our
home we thought we could contact with you for wants to getting your
kind informations of UK travel journal and publishments we wants to
learn costs of advertising in these magazine, may be you can share
us your kind opinions about Health Tourism.
New! Sunscreen travel packets. Sunscreen, check! Titanium dioxide,
check! Green tea to reduce DNA damage to exposed skin, check! Blend
of old and new world herbs to soothe the skin, check! I think they
lost me at Titanium dioxide, check!
Rhymes with Vallarta? This is an announcement for a contest asking
entrants to submit a limerick, haiku or other poem that includes a
word that rhymes with Puerto Vallarta. Examples include poems whose
lines end with start-a and depart-a.
instructions: Entries can be about any Puerto Vallarta subject:
fishing, diving, parasailing, a dining experience ... One can only
hope that an entrant doesnt write about a dining experience that
begins with a big plate of frijoles.
Avoid sitting next to a turkey this Thanksgiving when flying. This
release promotes a site to help air passengers minimize chances
they will sit next to the obviously ADHD kids with the bored
looking mom! Or worse yet, Randy Daniels eating Smuckers®
Uncrustables®, the faint odor of titanium dioxide wafting from his
enormous mustache ...