American Airlines has decided to allow passengers to use cell
phones while on board. To those of us who shun these pagan devices,
this is very, very bad news.
At this point, usage will be limited to planes parked at the
gate or stuck on the ground, but anybody with a lick of sense can
see that this is merely the thin end of the wedge. There's no going
What we need, then, are some restrictions. First of all, anybody
who begins a cell-phone conversation with the question "Guess where
I am?" loses his or her phone immediately and permanently.
Next, a list of acceptable phone topics needs to be compiled and
strictly enforced. Zero-tolerance on this is essential. Acceptable
topics may include but not necessarily be limited to: quitting a
six-figure job on a whim; houses on fire; in-laws. Other topics
should be case-handled by a 90% majority vote among passengers.
Children and in-flight staff should only be allowed to vote
You want to be soft. You've got to be firm.