King of the world

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I will not be outdone by the major cruise lines, so I've ordered my own cruise ship from a Finnish shipyard. Yeah, that's right, me. It will be 80 million tons and will be able to carry the populations of both Carolinas plus most of Georgia. It will have a full-size horse track, its own airplane runway and its own ZIP code. Each cabin will be the size of the average Wal-Mart. The vessel will sail between New York and the U.K., but, because its length will span seven-eighths of the Atlantic, one-way voyages will take only two hours. My ship will be easier to see from the moon than the Great Wall of China. OK, Carnival, Royal Caribbean, et al. -- your move.

Microsoft's MSN Expedia said its 1998 sales totaled $250 million, besting the previous year by 150%. Here's yet another instance when I would like to write something snide and cynical, but I'm afraid it will crash Windows 95 or MS Word.

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