United Airlines is planning an education program to teach
passengers how to take off on time. The series of "gently" conveyed
reminders are designed to show us nitwitted travelers how to get on
the plane and sit down.
What a great idea! If United had instituted this policy earlier,
I might not have spent six hours at O'Hare while my connecting
flight to Hawaii sat at the gate. Instead of waiting for an
explanation that never actually materialized, I would have gotten
on the plane and sat down.
And maybe if I'd gotten on that United flight out of Los Angeles
a little earlier, I wouldn't have missed my connecting flight in
Denver, which would have eliminated the little conversation I had
with one of United's friendly "employee owners," who told me that
if I continued to ask questions he would call the cops and have me
And quite possibly...oh, forget it. Yeah, it must be our fault