light attendants occasionally
try to make the in-flight safety lecture and other announcements a
bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples heard by or reported to Insider:
• "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only
four ways out of this plane," said a Southwest attendant during an
• After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments, because
after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has
• The captain really had a tough time during a final approach
into Amarillo, Texas, on a windy day.
After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant announced,
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your
seats while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
• A pilot reported that he had "hammered" his plane into the
runway really hard during a landing.
The airline's policy required the pilot to stand at the cockpit
door while passengers exited, smile and thank the passengers for
flying his airline.
In light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
Finally, everyone was off the plane -- except a little old lady
with a cane.
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" the little old lady
"Why no, ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
"Did we land or were we shot down?"
An Insider correspondent recently decided that he needed a
last-minute economy motel room for a Friday night.
His destination was the Old Saybrook, Conn., shoreline, and just
about every affordable (less than $90) chain property in the area
was booked solid.
of the short lead time, it being a summer weekend and the low
commission involved, he didn't want to bother a travel agent.
After about an hour on the phone and surfing the Web, Insider's
correspondent found a unit for $85 at an independent motor inn
along U.S. 1.
He booked it sight unseen after asking a few questions
concerning the availability of a shower, air conditioning and the
type of beds.
He had agreed to a nonrefundable credit card deposit to hold the
room. Cancellation for any reason was not acceptable.
The check-in was uneventful. The first-floor unit assigned was
large and clean with a cable-fed TV mounted on the wall. And the
remote control hadn't been stolen.
Had our correspondent lucked out?
Alas #1. The air-conditioner compressor was broken, but the stay
was salvaged with a move to a room a flight up, where it did
Alas #2. The remote control in this room was missing.
Alas #3. The bathroom had no shelf space and, even worse, there
was one paper bathmat for two occupants.
What were they thinking? That the first person to bathe would
stand on only half of the bathmat?
Our correspondent discovered a way around this -- an unused
washcloth is about the equivalent of half a bathmat. And is far
Branson touts its gas
heard from the Branson/Lakes Area Chamber of Commerce that not only
are the shows affordable in the southwest Missouri community, but
gasoline can be found there priced at $1.15 per gallon.
In New York, a gallon of regular gas costs about $1.65; in New
Jersey, about $1.50.
Insider thinks travelers should rent a fuel truck in Branson,
then fill it up for the return drive.
Why didn't the Branson chamber think of that?