Whenever YTB comes a-knockin’, 30-year veteran starts a-runnin’
I own a brick-and-mortar agency and just returned from a seminar at sea on Azamara Cruises. One night after dinner I was stopped by a man on the cruise who started telling me that he liked to make people millionaires.
He went on to say that he had been in the travel business 30 years and explained that he is now with a company that is going to take over the entire travel business by 2010. He told me that his company was going to put every travel agency out of business.
I asked him if he had an office, and he explained to me that the beauty of the business is that you don’t need an office or any knowledge of travel. The only thing you do is give people your card; they go online and book their own trip, and you get money for it.
I asked him what happens when he’s called by a customer with a problem. He explained that he does not talk to customers. He told me that customers deal with one of the agents at YTB if there is a problem.
He then started to tell me how I could have my own website and get free travel benefits, and all I had to do was give him $500. He failed to mention the monthly fee for the website.
He then asked what I did for a living, and when I told him I owned one of the travel agencies he was planning to put out of business, he continued to go on about how I should sign up with him. Finally his wife told him that he should stop trying to pitch this to me, as I was a travel agent.
I didn’t think about this guy again until four days after I got home, and a man walked into my office in shorts and asked me if I’d be interested in tripling my sales. This man told me he was with YTB and that he could set me up with a website that was more powerful and better than the Expedias and Travelocities out there now. All this for just $500 and a small monthly fee for the website.
I told him that I really thought that sharing my commission with YTB was not in my best interest and thanked him for his time.
I must say that after being in the travel business for more than 30 years, I have seen a lot of different business models. When getting that $500 is more important than taking care of my customers, it will be a sad day. I yearn for a time when travel agents can be looked at as professionals. Every time that I run across someone who knows nothing about the business, but has a business card that he paid for with the belief that he was going to get free cruises and hotel stays and airline tickets, it makes me sick to my stomach.
I commend the travel companies that have taken a stand and do not allow bookings from YTB. I will do everything possible to support those companies.
Danny Borg
High Performance Cruise & Travel
South Daytona, Fla.
Useless Airways goes a la carte, introduces its new pricing plan
Useless Airways has announced a sweeping change to its a la carte pricing as follows (henceforth to be referred to as the Nickel & Dime addendum to the Maybe-If-We’re-Lucky on-Time Carriage contract).
• Actually departing on time: $1,000
• The truth about the reason for your delay: $500
• Clean air to breathe onboard our plane: $50
• Seat belts: $3 per inch of waist size
• Seating next to someone who has bathed: $25
• Kid-free zone: $200
• A peek into first class to see what you’re missing: $5
• License to use the first-class lavatory: $100 per visit
• Seating next to someone very attractive who smells nice: $500
• Copy of our most recent doctored FAA fuselage inspection report: $250
• Preflight walk around the airplane with the pilot while you hold his flashlight: $150
• Not losing your $25 checked bag: $100
• Porn movies on your in-flight entertainment: $10.95 per title (a special “darkened section” of the plane has been reserved for this feature)
• A used blanket and pillow: $1
• A clean blanket and pillow: $5
• The right to complain to your seatmate about how bad airline service has gotten in the last decade: $10
• A 30-second tour of the filthy galley: $5
• A 10-minute, private deholstering of the captain’s Peacemaker and some colorful stories over coffee in a hidden corner of the galley: $25
• A private, expletive-filled, five-minute call to a bonus-receiving, fat-cat airline executive: $1,500
• Having an officer of the pilots’ or flight attendants’ union conference in on the above call: $1,000
• An off-the-charts verbal assault on any Useless Airways employee of your choice (maximum of five expletives): $500
• A private meeting during a multihour tarmac stranding with the new World Wrestling Entertainment sensation, Kate “The Airline Annihilator” Hanni: $10,000
• Mile-high consorting without any member of the flight crew bothering you during a 15-minute cuddle time afterward: priceless.
Alan Fiermonte, founder, owner, chief adventure officer
Down2earth adventures, LLC
Conshohocken, Pa.
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