Got clients whose significant others seem a little inattentive? Are their teenagers making them feel particularly incompetent and obsolete? Perhaps one of those milestone birthdays is approaching (and trust me, they get tougher every decade).
Well, honey, have them gather their girlfriends (and you may well be one of them). It's time for a little vintage Vegas, getting to the core of Sin City and helping your clients (and perhaps yourself, as well) tap into their inner naughty selves.
I'm no expert — yet — but my initial research on my good-girl-going-just-a-little-bad tour has turned up three must-sees.
Epic scale
First is "Jubilee," the showgirl classic at Bally's, where I have never seen 8,000 miles of sequins, 10,000 pounds of jewelry and countless ostrich and pheasant feathers used to expose so much.
The show was recently revamped and had its grand reopening in April. It remains true to its original spirit, with its classic showgirl costumes and over-the-top sets. But its choreography, music, technology and some costumes have been updated.
This 33-year-old revival with nearly 100 showgirls and -boys dancing and singing their way across the stage is truly vintage Vegas.
Some sets are downright operatic. One is a replica of the Titanic, showing life on the different decks before disaster strikes (5,000 gallons of recycled water cascade across the stage in the iceberg scene).
In "The Destruction of the Temple by Samson," a minx-like Delilah seduces a sturdy Samson and, after she cuts off his hair, turns him over to the Philistines, who don't realize that when Samson's hair grows back, they're in trouble.
When a re-energized Samson wreaks his mighty revenge, massive columns crash down on stage in a very satisfying way.
But it's not all sturm and drang: There are plenty of totally frothy and utterly enjoyable numbers featuring descending and ascending staircases (the show has three double-decker elevators) bearing dancers adorned in massive feathered headdresses, diaphanous robes and draped in glittering rhinestones plated with Swarovski crystals.
Part of the recent revamp means that state-of-the-art lighting fixtures, projectors and a surround-sound system augment the pyrotechnics, water features and other special effects of the original production.
"Jubilee" offers an All-Access Backstage Walking Tour that gives a behind-the-scenes look at the show; one of the dancers escorts the tour.
Feet of strength
"Fantasy" and "Thunder From Down Under" are smaller-scale shows whose dancers and performers are wonderfully sweet and down-to-earth backstage but downright risque onstage.
These are striptease shows, straight and simple. Although they're not as old as "Jubilee" ("Thunder," at the Excalibur, has been in Vegas for 13 years, and "Fantasy" has been at the Luxor for 15 years), they epitomize what for me is the essence of the original Vegas: bare skin, and lots of it, shamelessly displayed.
"Fantasy" is exactly that: seven dancers (all classically trained) and one female singer on stage with not a whole lot on, with the dancers quickly getting rid of most of it. My favorite scene was the cowgirl scene: short cut-offs (think Daisy Duke), cowboy boots, midriff tops and pink cowboy hats.
Male comic Sean E. Cooper brings up a "volunteer" from the audience (note: sit in the front row at your own risk) to play Elvis for the rock 'n' roll segment, flanked by all the dancers.
Most of the young women in "Fantasy" were dance majors in college. They work hard, as evidenced by the fact that all of their heels are reinforced with a steel pyramid between the top of the heel and the arch of the shoe. The soles are coated with rubber so they don't slip.
Boys from Oz
The Aussies (and they are all Australian) in "Thunder From Down Under" give their wildly enthusiastic audience plenty of opportunity to participate.
And don't think that sitting in back means you won't get invited up. They spring off the stage and into the audience, dancing from tabletop to tabletop, soliciting volunteers.
The Thunder dancers perform as pirates, members of the Sydney Fire Department, construction workers, milkmen (a personal favorite) and even as members of a SWAT team. And there's a cowboy number in this show, too.
But sooner rather than later the smoke clears, hats, helmets, ties (there's a men-in-suits sequence, too), T-shirts and pants (which appear to have Velcro side seams to speed the stripping) come off and we're down to brass tacks — er, G-strings, which these naughty boys pretend to almost take off.
The performers in "Thunder" do a lot of stomping, a fair amount of gymnastics (there are small trampolines on either side of the stage to enable their vaults into the audience and back on to the stage) and a lot of muscle flexing.
After both "Fantasy" and "Thunder," audience members can buy calendars and other mementoes from the performers.
And I strongly recommend that your clients have their photos taken with them post-show. Because, when they're back in their everyday lives, it's always good to have a reminder of themselves, good girls going just a little bad. And they'll have you to thank for it.