Unwhitening those knuckles

"I want to get off this plane! It's obviously not safe!" It was the week after this fall's EgyptAir crash, and the nervous passenger on the Paris-bound plane was reacting to flight delay announcements.

First, there were mechanical problems -- but those had been corrected, said the pilot. Now we were waiting to lose some fuel before takeoff.

"Why do we have to lose fuel if there's nothing wrong? Let me off!" the passenger insisted.

The truly amazing thing about this episode, for me, was that I wasn't the freaked-out woman in question.

For I, too, am a fearful flyer who's had her own share of irrational in-flight moments. I once convinced myself my plane was going to crash after seeing Christopher Reeve, the actor, get on board. (See, we share the same birthday -- even the same year -- and when I saw him, years before his paralyzing accident, I figured we were fated to die on the same day, too.)

I know it's ironic, being a white-knuckled travel industry writer. But in the 12 years I've been covering the business, I've developed my own arsenal of weapons for fighting fear -- tactics you or your clients also may find useful.

Although I'm a little nervous during takeoff and turbulence, I usually calm down enough to read during a flight -- an impossibility in the early days, when fear consumed me so totally I did nothing but sit there, frozen, except for a foot that popped up in a nervous dance of terror.

I can now handle eight-hour flights to Europe -- but, after one nightmare trip to Singapore I've vowed never to test my tolerance with too many hours on a plane, so Australia and Asia are out.

Having developed more in-flight sanity, I was only a spectator while the drama on the Paris-bound flight played out. After an initial flub -- the flight attendant failed to properly address the panicked woman's concerns -- the pilot finally did the right thing. He came back to the cabin to explain things more fully to the jittery passenger, who was duly calmed.

That incident illustrated one of the most important things I've learned in my continuing quest to unwhiten my knuckles: Although fear seems to be a physical, involuntary response, it is nearly always triggered by something you hear or tell yourself, however unconsciously.

The woman on the plane, already nervous after a week of nonstop coverage of the EgyptAir crash (where the unspoken message seemed to be "flying has just gotten a lot more dangerous" ), heard something about "mechanical problems" and her imagination went into overdrive. But the fact that the pilot was able to calm her down showed that, yes, fears can be tamed by talking back to them with reality-based statements.

I've learned to be my own calming pilot during a flight, disputing irrational or overemotional thoughts as well as saying to myself, "I am safe, I am safe," which I've found surprisingly effective.

I've honed my terror-fighting skills a number of different ways. Back in the early days of my travel industry career, when I realized I'd better do something to save my sanity and/or my job, I took the Seminars On Aeroanxiety Relief (SOAR) fear of flying course on audiotape.

I found the tape format particularly useful because it was as if somebody were talking right into my unconscious. (More on SOAR in the sidebar below).

Most recently, learning cognitive therapy techniques reinforced the lesson I learned from SOAR about tuning out my scary in-flight movie by focusing on what's really happening during the flight.

Gaining enough flight experience to desensitize me to the sensations of a typical flight was very helpful, too.

Other resources I've used include a videotape (from a now-defunct company) that duplicates the sounds and sights of takeoff and flight to desensitize me before a trip and two "natural" tranquilizers from the health food store, called Rescue Remedy and Calming.

There's something exhilarating about confronting your fears -- a fact I forget but relearn every time I take a flight. What a triumphant feeling to land, knowing I've dared to defy my deepest terrors -- and, yes, that I'm safe on the ground once again.

First aid for fear

If you're a nervous flyer -- or are looking for suggestions for white-knuckled clients -- the following steps can help:

There's also much helpful information on the safe reality of flying, such as the chapter titled "The Horrible Things That Could Happen -- And Why They Don't."

Published in 1987, the paperback is now out of print, but you can order it through www.abebooks.com.

For $390, the fearful flyer will receive a package of audiotapes and manuals plus two hours of individual counseling with Bunn -- for all of which there's a money-back guarantee.

The merchandise alone (without the counseling) costs $285. Individual counseling with Bunn is $95 an hour -- an option that can be useful when people need help immediately for an upcoming trip, he said.

For more information, check out www.fearofflying.com (for SOAR) or www.flighthelp.com (for counseling). Or call either (800) 332-7359 or (877) 332-7359.

For example, when the plane started some fairly extreme shaking on my last American flight, the pilot said, "I know this makes some people anxious, but there's nothing wrong. The plane is stable and not affected by any turbulence."