Your baby is ugly

I recently received an email with the subject line, "So someone slammed you online."

Moi?

While such an occurrence is not unheard of, it turns out it was only a press release pitching the services of a company called InternetReputationManagement.com.

The release suggested it could walk me through "The four stages of grief (over a bad review)":

Stage 1: Anger. You've received a virtual slap in the face, and you're mad as hell. The advice: "Address how you feel first, deal with the situation second, not the other way around." Responding online will only attract search engines to the original comment. Same if your attorney files a complaint that finds its way online.

In Stage 1, it's suggested, simply get in touch with your anger. Talk to your spouse and, if so inclined, pour yourself a glass of wine or go to the spa.

Stage 2: Anxiety. Yes, the comment is potentially damaging to your business. Nonetheless, resist the temptation to vent online, no matter how unfair the attack feels. You want to contain the situation, not expand its searchability. If you decide to contact the reviewer, call; any email could end up being posted. Try to get the reviewer to retract the comment. Offer to fix the problem in exchange for removing the comment.

The release said that stages 3 and 4, Revenge and Enlightenment, can be explored by talking with a representative of the company.

So I called and arranged lunch with Pamela Johnston, the president of InternetReputationManagement.com's PR firm, Cloud 12. The conversation never actually got around to Revenge and Enlightenment, but we did talk a lot about online reviews and reputation.

The simplest way to avoid having your products or services slammed, Johnston said, is to make sure your marketing is aligned with your product.

About five years ago, she worked with the Catalina Hotel in South Beach, which was experiencing a slew of negative reviews. "An initial reaction would be to say, 'Get me some positive reviews posted!' But that doesn't keep the negative ones from continuing."

After assessing her client's marketing material, she concluded that the hotel was very successful at appealing to the wrong guests. Their website suggested it was a fun, upscale experience at about half the price of similar hotels.

However, if someone had actually once stayed at the hotels that cost twice as much, the Catalina would suffer by comparison.

So, to send the message that, yes, this is a fun place, but perhaps not for those with refined sensibilities, the Catalina started a promotion called "Pimp My Fridge." The website prominently featured an option to pre-order specific minibar content.

The "Get it On" package, for instance, contained edible body paint, champagne, whipped cream, maraschino cherries, strawberries, scented candles and oil and a Barry White CD.

The "Rock Star"? Vodka, cigarettes, Krispy Cremes, Red Bull and, thinking ahead to the next day, Visine, Alka-Seltzer Morning After, a chilled eye mask and Gatorade.

The word "pimp" was purposefully inserted in the promotion to put off the easily put off. "It was a guest-oriented, product-oriented, revenue-generating solution," Johnston said. "What could be better?"

After speaking with Johnston, I visited the current Catalina website. I didn't see anything about "Pimp My Fridge," but I did see very clear messaging about who the hotel would appeal to. It made clear that its smallest rooms would make an agoraphobe like Howard Hughes feel right at home and would be "a tight squeeze for two," but that there were four classes of larger rooms, as well.

It looked like a fun place to stay, but no one would confuse it with the Four Seasons. Or, perhaps more to the point, the nearby Delano.

Like so many things in the travel industry, setting expectations properly might have more impact on your reputation than the quality level of the products you sell.

"If clients are pleasantly surprised, they write an ecstatic review," Johnston said. "If they're disappointed, they're complaining."

And, she counseled, keep a balanced view. "If a review says the beachside gazebo isn't at all romantic, to the owner who commissioned the gazebo it's like saying, 'Your baby is ugly.' But, actually, it may not have a measurable business impact."

And should that be the case, see Stage 1. Begin with a glass of wine and end with a visit to the spa.

Email Arnie Weissmann at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter.